Saturday, February 28, 2009
so productive
Have you ever just had one of those days where from the moment your feet hit the floor, you were productive? MAN it feels good! I want to keep this day going forever haha
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
In The Name'a Jesus!
i've been sad before...but i think i might have experienced very light depression this past week.
i don't know why or when it came about, but i've been in what can best be described as a "funk" for about a week and a half or so.
life is not particularly hard right now nor is it stressful, but i guess i've just realizing i'm not as appreciated as i once would have thought i was, or am not held in the same esteem as I know I had been, mostly having to do with work.
(side thought: how do one hit wonders do it? they go from SUPER high to pretty low. that's gotta be devistating.)
but i couldn't get out of my funk. i tried to change my sleep habits....no dice, still restless nights. i tried changing the music i listened to on my way into work...nope, nada. i tried watching tv to get my brain stimulated in the morning. nothing. i tried no tv, to kind of work into the day stress free. still, zilch. finally tonight i'm walking back to my store from having gone to Raley's on lunch, shoulders slouched, eyebrows furrowed for no reason and a sense of needing a cry but not being able to release it, i called my mom - mom's always know what to do. she just said i need to get out more, have more hobbies, take a vacation, volunteer somewhere etc... but there's no drive to do that....my funk isn't being confused for restlessness or going stir crazy. so i prayed "Lord, only you can get me out of this funk and back to my normal self" help me break out of this." and sure enough, i came back from lunch a new gal! it was a miracle.
i know the devil was trying to compile the last 4 months on me and make me depressed, feel worthless and inadequate. well i broke him in the name'a Jesus!
i just had to share!
i don't know why or when it came about, but i've been in what can best be described as a "funk" for about a week and a half or so.
life is not particularly hard right now nor is it stressful, but i guess i've just realizing i'm not as appreciated as i once would have thought i was, or am not held in the same esteem as I know I had been, mostly having to do with work.
(side thought: how do one hit wonders do it? they go from SUPER high to pretty low. that's gotta be devistating.)
but i couldn't get out of my funk. i tried to change my sleep habits....no dice, still restless nights. i tried changing the music i listened to on my way into work...nope, nada. i tried watching tv to get my brain stimulated in the morning. nothing. i tried no tv, to kind of work into the day stress free. still, zilch. finally tonight i'm walking back to my store from having gone to Raley's on lunch, shoulders slouched, eyebrows furrowed for no reason and a sense of needing a cry but not being able to release it, i called my mom - mom's always know what to do. she just said i need to get out more, have more hobbies, take a vacation, volunteer somewhere etc... but there's no drive to do that....my funk isn't being confused for restlessness or going stir crazy. so i prayed "Lord, only you can get me out of this funk and back to my normal self" help me break out of this." and sure enough, i came back from lunch a new gal! it was a miracle.
i know the devil was trying to compile the last 4 months on me and make me depressed, feel worthless and inadequate. well i broke him in the name'a Jesus!
i just had to share!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Just when you think you've got it figured out....
Well lots has occured since I last wrote...lemme update you!
1) I got a promotion and moved to a store that my ex-bestfriend used to work at...yeah more on the "ex-bestfriend" story to come! Basically it was drama for the first 90 days. The first 30 of them were HORRIBLE and I'd never wish them on my worst enemy! I'd never transfered into a store after a change that people hated...I've always been a welcomed breath of fresh air, seeing as how I'm hard working and am a "no fuss no muss" kinda gal! Ya know, a "rules and standards" type! Well unfortunately, that was not the case! My name has never been part of more conversations held behind my back in all my life. The gossip is out of this world and the attitudes are unbelievable. I didn't know grown/young adults could throw such abstact hissyfits.
But there seemed to be a corner that we've turned, whether it's gaining respect or just less rejection I'll never know, but I'm glad I don't dread going into work now...only mildly dislike it.
Which leads me back to the "ex-bestfriend part" - 2) During the first 30 days of working at this store, I found out my ex-bestfriend had made up a lie saying that she had ovarian cancer, had had her ovaries removed, had her eggs frozen so she could have kids one day and that she'd had been going to radiation therapy every monday. - ALL OF WHICH IS A COMPLETE LIE! She went as far as to put bandages on herself to show people, accept flowers as sympathy gestures and sit in spas with people and cry over the fact that her friends too were in similar predicaments. Now - I know I'm probably hashing old stories, but I'm not yet over this! I probably should be, but I can't believe that someone would do this, and then when confronted by her best friend, lie about lying...I mean I can believe it, because it did happen, but I'm STILL hurt. I'm STILL upset that I was lied to. I'm STILL upset that my best friend betrayed my trust which is NOT something I give out to anyone or very quickly at all. - All that to say, I lost a friend in the last three months because I can in NO way have that type of behavior associated to me...I live by a personal honor code of integrity, honesty, and character and I don't need people who have none of those things, in my life.
Which leads me to my next happening - 3)I've reconnected with a college friend and I'm pretty dog gone smitten with him. It's obviously WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY to early to be thinking love and marriage and all that, but the clicking it definitely there. I've always said this, but the man I marry will just get me ya know? Like let me be random, understand that I'm a pretty down chick but get protective sometimes, know when to let me win arguments but know when to stand up for himself - ya know, not let me walk all over him, put me first knowing that when he does, I'll jump to heavens above to do the same and more for him, and will know that be me smothering is just me loving hard! I think I've found that in this guy....like I said, I'm not calling the 8 ball in the corner pocket just yet, but he's got real potential. --->here's the kicker. He's been deployed in Iraq for a week and a half now and is there til September....yeah, a LOT can happen in 7 months. I asked him today if he saw us ever being legit and he said "I'd love to thinks so, but so many things are up in the air in my life right now, so I can't say for sure where I'll stand in 7 months." - my head understood and my heart hates it. He agrees. I can say that I will wait for him to come home, because for me, every day is going to be ground hogs day until September (god I hope not) but for him, he's coming back a changed man having seen things I'll never see in my life time and having lived in a warzone for 7 months. He can't say for certain that anything is going to be certain, so in that regard I understand. So - say a prayer. I miss him!
But in the mean time, maybe my job won't be groundhogs day every day...4) As of yesterday - I had to step down to be a shift supervisor in pay because my store doesn't make enough money to keep me at a salary level. So to save the store and company money, I have to be put on hold until another position in the greater sacramento region opens up, because as of now, there isn't a spot. There's no timeline or explanation of how or when or why, but I'm still the acting ASM and I just don't get paid appropriately! :-/ Gosh it sucks right now, but who knows after a spot becomes available, maybe even at my current store if they make more moeny, it'll be like a breath of fresh air. - Just when I was starting to feel challenged and whatever the opposite of stagnant is, they put the brakes on. My District Manager was amazing in how he delivered the news and how he conveyed how his still my biggest cheerleader and advocate! That was so encouraging to know. But basically it was a huge pride issue having to tell anyone I wasn't the position I'd earned and was capable doing.
Needless to say I've been a vulnerable, emotional, prideful mess. :) The boy's got me feeling feelings I haven't felt in a long time, the jobs got me more insecure and prideful than necessary, and life just has me guessing.
Anyway, if I fell of the face of the earth, that's where I went and why! I missed you all so keep in touch!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Chapter 25.5
Hey Everybody!
It's been a while since I've been on blogger! I was house sitting for 2 weeks in Lotus - thus no internet, so I apologize....also I've been very busy adjusting to life, my new promotion and other things to be mentioned in other blogs!! keep reading!
Anyway, so I was in Lotus for two weeks and with only having work and going up to that house with no internet and barely any cell service, I had a lot of quiet time...which was EXACTLY what I needed! It was like a mini-vacation of sorts! No one knew how to get there or reach me, only me and the dog - and the deer and skunks :) It was nice!
During my time at this cabin of sorts, the election was going on it made me do self evaluations where I was at in life, what I was doing, who I am, how others see me, my impact on the world, my legacy and such. I think everyone should do that from time to time...take good hard looks at who you are, who you want to be, etc... ya know, plan out your game plan or how you're going to keep going toward the person you want to be or need to be. It's healthy!
So in thinking about all of that, there were a few things that were really brought to light and and I'm here now, to share those with you! Some of them will seem strange, but if you know me at all, you know this is only me trying to be a better me and please Jesus.
1. I -- by myself -- am not who I need to be. When you stand me alone, I'm not a complete package...no one is. But how I plan to reach this, is making everything I do, everything I say, everything I come in contact with, more pleasing for the Lord. Some of you Christians will say - "duh!" Ok you're right, this isn't really an enlightenment moment. I did know this already, but I'm making the hardest effort ever to live this through. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not out intentionally sinning or doing bad things, I just need to take the old saying "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" to a whole new level. I need to make sure what I watch on tv, what I listen to in the car, and what I talk about, is ONLY glorifying the Lord to the MAX. Like I said, I'm not watching shows with tons of cussing or nudity now, nor am I listening to hard core rock and rap with cussing and defacing lyrics, but I need to be watching better shows and listening to even cleaner music. I also don't associate with partiers or cussers or people of no character now, but I'm going to make an even better effort to not just not have those people in my life but to actually have MORE people with charcter and Christ-centered lives in mine. Surround myself with Goodness! Goodness in, Goodness out! That's how I'm going to help myself when I stand alone.
2. I also need to pour more into my family. My attitude towards people beyond my immediate family has been rocky and fair weathered at times. When they were who I thought they should be, I was civil, but when they were doing things I disagreed with and didn't want to associate myself with, then I kept them at arms distance...that's what I do. I distance myself from bad situations so I never get blamed for bad behavior or thrown under the bus by a misunderstanding from someone else. Like them or not or agree with them or not, they're still my family and I've made my mind up to focus of family more...which is why I have all of my family members that are on myspace as my top friends. They're organized from closest in relation to furthest in relation, and brothers and sisters are organized from age! This is the first step to making my life more family focused! I'm sorry to all of the friends from CA to WV who aren't up there anymore. It's just my new outlook on my family. My dad has told me this since high school and I've believed him before but am taking it as a personal motto now, that when all of your friends have come and gone, your family is what remains...your famly is still there. So all you relatives better watch out, I'm gonna be more involved and more interested in your lives!
3. I also have a lot of people in my life from places like high school, church, softball etc... that I never hang out with, and I don't know why, so my third thing I'm going to work on is keeping in better touch with others who are what we like to call "good people" and are people I should keep in better contact with. People like Kristen Winters, Laura Remmington, Chris Stahl, Karen Gatlin, etc... you guys are amazing and I rarely talk to you! Tenaya Tucker, Brittany Smith, Danielle Alexander, Lindsey Mitchell, Jessie Spivey! Look for me to start blowing up your text messaging, phones and myspaces! I can't wait to be better friends to all of you and I'm so sorry we haven't kept in better touch. I've been selfish and lazy!
So with that said, this is a new Chapter of my life. I like to call it Chapter 25.5 :)
I hope this made sense! I had quite the convictions and attitude/mind adjustment while I was up on that mountain haha So please help me by understanding my adjustments! This move is for Jesus and for me. In helping Jesus, it'll help me! I just want to do the right things from now on, not necessarily the easiest ones~!
Love you!
Jeanette
It's been a while since I've been on blogger! I was house sitting for 2 weeks in Lotus - thus no internet, so I apologize....also I've been very busy adjusting to life, my new promotion and other things to be mentioned in other blogs!! keep reading!
Anyway, so I was in Lotus for two weeks and with only having work and going up to that house with no internet and barely any cell service, I had a lot of quiet time...which was EXACTLY what I needed! It was like a mini-vacation of sorts! No one knew how to get there or reach me, only me and the dog - and the deer and skunks :) It was nice!
During my time at this cabin of sorts, the election was going on it made me do self evaluations where I was at in life, what I was doing, who I am, how others see me, my impact on the world, my legacy and such. I think everyone should do that from time to time...take good hard looks at who you are, who you want to be, etc... ya know, plan out your game plan or how you're going to keep going toward the person you want to be or need to be. It's healthy!
So in thinking about all of that, there were a few things that were really brought to light and and I'm here now, to share those with you! Some of them will seem strange, but if you know me at all, you know this is only me trying to be a better me and please Jesus.
1. I -- by myself -- am not who I need to be. When you stand me alone, I'm not a complete package...no one is. But how I plan to reach this, is making everything I do, everything I say, everything I come in contact with, more pleasing for the Lord. Some of you Christians will say - "duh!" Ok you're right, this isn't really an enlightenment moment. I did know this already, but I'm making the hardest effort ever to live this through. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not out intentionally sinning or doing bad things, I just need to take the old saying "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" to a whole new level. I need to make sure what I watch on tv, what I listen to in the car, and what I talk about, is ONLY glorifying the Lord to the MAX. Like I said, I'm not watching shows with tons of cussing or nudity now, nor am I listening to hard core rock and rap with cussing and defacing lyrics, but I need to be watching better shows and listening to even cleaner music. I also don't associate with partiers or cussers or people of no character now, but I'm going to make an even better effort to not just not have those people in my life but to actually have MORE people with charcter and Christ-centered lives in mine. Surround myself with Goodness! Goodness in, Goodness out! That's how I'm going to help myself when I stand alone.
2. I also need to pour more into my family. My attitude towards people beyond my immediate family has been rocky and fair weathered at times. When they were who I thought they should be, I was civil, but when they were doing things I disagreed with and didn't want to associate myself with, then I kept them at arms distance...that's what I do. I distance myself from bad situations so I never get blamed for bad behavior or thrown under the bus by a misunderstanding from someone else. Like them or not or agree with them or not, they're still my family and I've made my mind up to focus of family more...which is why I have all of my family members that are on myspace as my top friends. They're organized from closest in relation to furthest in relation, and brothers and sisters are organized from age! This is the first step to making my life more family focused! I'm sorry to all of the friends from CA to WV who aren't up there anymore. It's just my new outlook on my family. My dad has told me this since high school and I've believed him before but am taking it as a personal motto now, that when all of your friends have come and gone, your family is what remains...your famly is still there. So all you relatives better watch out, I'm gonna be more involved and more interested in your lives!
3. I also have a lot of people in my life from places like high school, church, softball etc... that I never hang out with, and I don't know why, so my third thing I'm going to work on is keeping in better touch with others who are what we like to call "good people" and are people I should keep in better contact with. People like Kristen Winters, Laura Remmington, Chris Stahl, Karen Gatlin, etc... you guys are amazing and I rarely talk to you! Tenaya Tucker, Brittany Smith, Danielle Alexander, Lindsey Mitchell, Jessie Spivey! Look for me to start blowing up your text messaging, phones and myspaces! I can't wait to be better friends to all of you and I'm so sorry we haven't kept in better touch. I've been selfish and lazy!
So with that said, this is a new Chapter of my life. I like to call it Chapter 25.5 :)
I hope this made sense! I had quite the convictions and attitude/mind adjustment while I was up on that mountain haha So please help me by understanding my adjustments! This move is for Jesus and for me. In helping Jesus, it'll help me! I just want to do the right things from now on, not necessarily the easiest ones~!
Love you!
Jeanette
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Random Updates - feelings of accomplishments
So this is nothing more than an update on my life right now...again, not that any of you care!
BUT! here i go
So, I went pumpking patching with my mom on Tuesday - talk about a total blast! We went where my mom used to take us as little girls, and while everything was smaller than I remember it being, it was still soooo fun! However, riding in the hay cart on the way to the patch, as well as marching around the pumpkin patch, really scratched up my legs, not mention all the little buggies that bit me! Literally, I look like a crack whore with all the bites and scratches...I'm itchin all over the place! Not to mention, I just CRASHED last night after work, and like a dummy, fell asleep in my make up, so Im all broken out from that now...REALLY crack whoreish...lovely! *update, most of the sores have gone away! = feeling less crackish!*
But I did finally tan the other day - the first sun in MONTHS due to the ridiculous work schedule I seemed to have this summer. (ALL AFTERNOON/EVENINGS!) Hey, but I'm blessed to have work during this awful time right now...thanks economy! Love you! It's true that Sun makes you feel better! Just being hot from tan makes me happy! Ahhhh love you sun!
I have downloaded some good tunes lately, which also make me really love!
So lately, I've been feeling all kinds of emotions that I couldn't quite put my finger on but when I heard that I had an interview to promote to the position that had been giving me all these emotions, I had such a sense of relief and felt like I could cry. Now please know, I am NOT a crier (and for some reason that word looks misspelled to me even though I know it's not!) Anway...like I was saying. I'm not a crier but all these emotions came to a head on Friday and I just felt like a I needed a good cry. I teared up and got contemplative for about 10 minutes, and then got up and went out to my bestest's apt. for a little girl get together. JUST what the doctor ordered. I left my melancoly ways at the door! It felt good to be with the girls I know and love. Anyway, the interview is Wednesday at 3pm. WISH ME LUCK....butterflies are here...that's a good sign!
On another sad note, Paul Newman...handsome Paul Newman died today! How sad is that?! I think he and Clint Eastwood, are two guys who get cuter with age. Now now...I'm not into 80 years olds, I'm just saying they're handsome. So in memory of him, here's a classic photo!
BUT! here i go
So, I went pumpking patching with my mom on Tuesday - talk about a total blast! We went where my mom used to take us as little girls, and while everything was smaller than I remember it being, it was still soooo fun! However, riding in the hay cart on the way to the patch, as well as marching around the pumpkin patch, really scratched up my legs, not mention all the little buggies that bit me! Literally, I look like a crack whore with all the bites and scratches...I'm itchin all over the place! Not to mention, I just CRASHED last night after work, and like a dummy, fell asleep in my make up, so Im all broken out from that now...REALLY crack whoreish...lovely! *update, most of the sores have gone away! = feeling less crackish!*
But I did finally tan the other day - the first sun in MONTHS due to the ridiculous work schedule I seemed to have this summer. (ALL AFTERNOON/EVENINGS!) Hey, but I'm blessed to have work during this awful time right now...thanks economy! Love you! It's true that Sun makes you feel better! Just being hot from tan makes me happy! Ahhhh love you sun!
I have downloaded some good tunes lately, which also make me really love!
So lately, I've been feeling all kinds of emotions that I couldn't quite put my finger on but when I heard that I had an interview to promote to the position that had been giving me all these emotions, I had such a sense of relief and felt like I could cry. Now please know, I am NOT a crier (and for some reason that word looks misspelled to me even though I know it's not!) Anway...like I was saying. I'm not a crier but all these emotions came to a head on Friday and I just felt like a I needed a good cry. I teared up and got contemplative for about 10 minutes, and then got up and went out to my bestest's apt. for a little girl get together. JUST what the doctor ordered. I left my melancoly ways at the door! It felt good to be with the girls I know and love. Anyway, the interview is Wednesday at 3pm. WISH ME LUCK....butterflies are here...that's a good sign!
On another sad note, Paul Newman...handsome Paul Newman died today! How sad is that?! I think he and Clint Eastwood, are two guys who get cuter with age. Now now...I'm not into 80 years olds, I'm just saying they're handsome. So in memory of him, here's a classic photo!
Recaping some more, I'm super bummed because Marshall lost to WVU today (again) for the 2nd year in a row in the "friend of coal" bowl. I'm sad because Marshall was on such a high from their last away win at Southern Miss. Oh well HERD...you can do it next week! GO HERD!
I feel super accomplished right now...it just started off as one of those days. I returned a book, mailed two letters, wrote a note of appreciation, opened my replacement sidekick, transfered my sim card and battery to the new one as well as packaged the old one to ship and got ready for work, all before 415am. I ran a smooth, organized shift today with ZERO people causing drama (PTL), I bought a thank you card, wrote and signed it and cut out fabric for my bean bags I'm making all before 9:30am!, - while at work thank you! I came home, sewed the fabric together, watched a football game, did laundry, painted the bean bag ramp that we'll be tossing the bags in, put corn in the bean bags, went back to work to get some supplies I'd need, got the mail, got scrapbooking
I feel super accomplished right now...it just started off as one of those days. I returned a book, mailed two letters, wrote a note of appreciation, opened my replacement sidekick, transfered my sim card and battery to the new one as well as packaged the old one to ship and got ready for work, all before 415am. I ran a smooth, organized shift today with ZERO people causing drama (PTL), I bought a thank you card, wrote and signed it and cut out fabric for my bean bags I'm making all before 9:30am!, - while at work thank you! I came home, sewed the fabric together, watched a football game, did laundry, painted the bean bag ramp that we'll be tossing the bags in, put corn in the bean bags, went back to work to get some supplies I'd need, got the mail, got scrapbooking
supplies together for a future project, ate dinner, printed off 40 pages of coloring sheets for tomorrow's coloring contest, took a nap and organized my iTunes all before 8pm! It's been a day of productivity! I'm sure that doesn't sound like a lot of hard stuff, it's just been a day of "DOING" stuff ya know? It feels good and unstressful! I'm thinking of keeping the trend going and just going to get gas NOW instead of tomorrow morning when I don't feel like it. (yes I think I will when I'm done!)
Well I hope you had a great day of fun and football! I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR :)
Well I hope you had a great day of fun and football! I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR :)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Leave it to the Don
So anyone who knows me, knows how I feel about Mafia Movies...LOVE THEM!...so in watching God Father III, a) because I hadn't in forever and b) because I needed my Mafia blood pumping (and by the way, GF3 in no way should have even been part of the series because it's SUCH a stretch to try to connect the first two to it) I heard Michael Corleone (Don Corleone) tell a *nephew of his who's a hot head, a piece of advice, and surprisingly, it was kinda deep. It made me put the movie on pause and write this blog.
Don Corleone: Never hate your enemies. It clouds your judgement.
Wow! Ok I'm not a hateful person. I don't HATE many people...I can't stand TONS of people, but hate? Not so much. But when I can't stand you, I can't STAND you and I cut them off to hearing about them, from them, talking to them, etc... You get deleted from everything or I make it a clear point to not be associated with anything that they're associate with.
Lately, there have been people who have made me question whether I trust them. They've made me question their loyalty, honesty and value in my life and because of how I deal with that (aka cut them off or distance myself from them) I've become very irritable when I think about them or the instance that causes me to be this way. (aka hatred...and p.s. don't mind all the "aka's" - I abbrev. a lot ;-) )
Anyway, how true is that comment though? Hating your enemies clouds your judgment! It really does. You don't react to things about them or from them from a right state of mind, you react emotionally. I mean I know the Bible has some brillant scriptures on hatred and loving thy neighbor, but sometimes it just takes the Son of a Mafia King to give it to ya how you need to hear it. From now on, I will not let people I can't stand, cloud my judgement! :)
*Nephew changed from "cousin" - as so eloquently corrected by my friend Mitch :)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Babble about patience
Have you ever been in a situation where you feel you've put in your time, paid your dues, been a role player and when it comes to be your turn, the turn takes forever or seems to be getting further from your grasp?
As if I didn't know this already, things in life aren't fair and things in life don't come with experience or based off of seniority.
This is what I'm dealing with right now...waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting because that's all I can do. Or is it? I could be impatient and jump ship, or wait and see what unfolds then make an educated decision. But this is either going to be a positive move for me, or a move that God is teaching me patience. Either way...I'm not in charge and have to wait it out!
As if I didn't know this already, things in life aren't fair and things in life don't come with experience or based off of seniority.
This is what I'm dealing with right now...waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting because that's all I can do. Or is it? I could be impatient and jump ship, or wait and see what unfolds then make an educated decision. But this is either going to be a positive move for me, or a move that God is teaching me patience. Either way...I'm not in charge and have to wait it out!
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